The doors to the world of the wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door, if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door.
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés
(Photo by Sandra Grünewald, Unsplash, 2023)
One of my doors is behind the pain and loneliness I experienced when I was a toddler, in a hospital, for several months, tied down so I would not fidget with my leg (it was in a cast), or stand up (which might have jeopardized the healing of the leg).
I have come to learn that the greatest scars can become our greatest strengths, because they soften us to the human-ness of the people around us.
What do you think?
I am so curious to hear about your doors. Have you found it yet? Do you dare look for it?
I generally like to present myself well composed and in control of my negative emotions. I don’t like to be seen when my saboteurs (my negative inner voices) get the better of me. Feelings of stress, anxiety, self-doubt, frustration, restlessness, and unhappiness can be very unsettling.
I work through strong emotions best by going outside. Walking and running have always worked well for me.
Mental fitness activities have added a new and unexpected effectivity for me. I still experience negative emotions, but more and more I feel AND see them for what they are, and that makes it possible for me to step aside and that really takes the edge off those emotions.
If you feel alone in and at the whim of negative emotions, I can assure you that you are not!
I have been working with people who are very successful in corporate businesses, governments, and military settings. They all experience negative inner voices. They all feel self-conscious at times, and very competent and in sage emotions at others. Just like you. Just like me.
In addition, I find that it does create a sense of connectedness when people talk about their emotions, and the empath in me walks hand in hand with my intuitive self.
How have you been dealing best with negative emotions?
When the fog is too thick for you to find your way around, your body knows where to go.
That might be a bit of a metaphorical exaggeration. Please bear with me as I unroll my thoughts:
Unfortunately, our area is currently experiencing dense smog from wildfires in this and other provinces of Canada. While we cannot really smell it (unlike yesterday, when the smell of a cold fire pit hung in the air), my chest felt heavy this morning, I felt reluctant to take a deep breath, and a headache was (and is) lingering. I pointed out to my daughter that there are people who spend their lives in conditions like this, where the air is polluted all the time. And how lucky we can be that this is only a temporary situation.
I also became aware how messages from my body – reluctant to take a deep breath – can be such a great guide, and how important it is consequently, to listen to somatic impressions.
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As your coach with a strong affinity towards stewardship for our natural world I would ask you:
When do you feel your body telling you something you are not consciously aware of (yet)?
There is a very useful little exercise with which you can quickly gain (or regain) access to your somatic wisdom and your inner compass. Drop me a note if you are interested.
I have good news and a reality check. Let me tell you a story, and you can see if you can find the good news! If you are lucky, your body was naturally fit in your younger years. For example, you could eat whatever you wanted without gaining any weight, for example, and you were naturally fit, even if you did not work out a lot.
If you are anything like me, now that you are older, you are putting on weight much more easily, and to stay physically in shape takes time and dedication. Again, if you are lucky, you love healthy food, which can give you an advantage with regards to healthy eating habits. Me, I love crunchy vegetables and any kind of fruit. So now that we are older, we come to realize how important healthy nutrition and exercise are in maintaining a healthy body.
The same principles – although less visible – apply to our mental health and fitness. The mental challenges of more mature humans are versatile, but there might be a midlife crisis, overwhelm with the responsibilities of life, and possibly some first signs of an aging body. To put up with those challenges and maintain a healthy disposition, one needs to exercise the mind just like the body.
It is quite possible to remain mentally fit, just like it is to remain physically fit. Consistency is the key. If you want to know more about that, please contact me or read up on my mental fitness program.
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Note from my canine sidekick: “I help a lot with Manuela’s mental and my physical fitness! I make her run a lot, and she says I always bring a smile to her face. Can you guess why?”
The snow is crunching under my feet. I breathe in while I take two steps. I breathe out while I take the next two steps. My mind chatters. I think: “In” (and take two steps), “out” (and take two steps). I let go of the thoughts that want to bubble up. “In…. out” (crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch).
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Manuela Zeitlhofer | Mental Fitness and Nature Coach
Research shows that our brains are hard-wired to over-emphasize the negative experiences we have. Due to an evolutionary survival mechanism called the “negativity bias”, the human brain holds on to and amplifies the negative much more than the positive. It was more essential for our distant ancestors to remember the experience with the dangerous bear, than the beautiful field of flowers.
According to Dr. Barbara Fredrickson (University of North Carolina, 2009), we need three positive experiences for every negative emotional experience in order to keep a positive mindset. According to her, we can actively build a collaborative relationship between our survival minds and our thrive minds. This 3-to-1 ratio should be maintained both in thoughts and feelings, as well as in interactions with people that matter to us.
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What are a few ways to build that collaborative relationship between those two parts of our minds?
It starts with awareness: Pay attention to when you are having negative thoughts and feelings, including stress, anxiety, anger, disappointment, blame, guilt, shame, self-doubt, regret, etc. These thoughts might happen in response to yourself, to others or to events and circumstances. When you notice them, counter by commanding your mind to come up with at least 3 positives:
–See the adventure around the challenge: Can you learn something new? Can you explore something exciting? Can you grow a new skill?
–Look for opportunity: What is a positive aspect of a negative event? What could be a positive consequence of the negative circumstance?
-Zoom out and broaden your view: What does the big picture look like? What do you see now that you have not seen before?
–Take small risks that take you out of your comfort zone.
–Practice self-compassion: See the beautiful essence in you! Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend.
These thoughts could be quick and simple, and they will start to shift your brain activity to the positive side.
If you are curious about this and many more Mental Fitness exercises, I would love to meet you in a non-binding chat.
Playing to your strength means doing what you are able to do well, rather than doing other things.
An example: A friend’s son was assessed for ADHD. In the process, it was found that he is simply a kid who needs more physical exercise than he was getting in school and at home. It was not easy, but the school and the parents found ways for him to get more play time outside and more time when he is unplugged from any technical devices.
This story led me to think about people in general:
– Are we living our lives playing to our strengths or are we just playing along with the structures we find ourselves in? – How can we create the lives that make it possible for us to use our strengths and flourish?
This is of course only part of the picture. As professionals, we have to be realistic: It is not always possible to use our strengths (or is it?), to embrace our weaknesses (have you heard the term “own your weaknesses”?), and to know your growth areas. As a person working with other people, you can also play to their strengths (how exciting!), and of course, we are well advised to stretch to form new strengths, and develop an authentic, informed, and confident awareness around the whole topic. In summary: To be who we are!
Judging others, circumstances, or oneself is stripping an event of its embeddedness into the system it occurred in.
– Manuela Zeitlhofer (2022)
(photo by Eskay Lim, Unsplash, 2022)
Have you ever noticed yourself judging others, circumstances and yourself (!) with a very sharp and self-righteous mind? And has it ever happened, that – in comparable situations – you found yourself full of compassion, or curiosity over the mistakes and wrongdoings of others and yourself?
If you can relate to both, you might sense that…
…judgement comes from within, because ever external circumstance can lead you to either be judgemental or compassionate. (Some contributing factors might be the self-care you treat yourself with, and how full your reservoir of self-love is.)
…there are factors inside of you that sabotage you, your goals, your goodness (called “Saboteurs” or “Inner Critics”), as well as factors that bring out the best in you (called “Sage”).
…every problem, every circumstance, everything you might get agitated or upset about can lead to an opportunity, a gift even.
This topic lends itself so beautifully to coaching! If you are curious, please comment, or send me a note.
Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘Press On!’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
― Calvin Coolidge
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Many times our inner critics keep us from achieving our fullest potential. Imagine what you could do if you were not concerned about failure, but if you saw every failure as a teachable moment that can only advance you toward your goals?
“You can throw in the towel, or you can us it to wipe the sweat off your face!” (Gatorade)
This metaphor was used in a Gatorade slogan in 2003. It seems to have a wide range of applications, from physical exercise to mental fitness, to goal orientation and endurance.
What does it mean to you? Where and when are you tempted to throw in a towel, and what happens when you persevere?
One area of such turmoil for me is going out into the world and approaching strangers, telling them about my services, so they have a chance to get to trust me as an ally on their self-development journey.
For many people, animal communication is something that only the ‘gifted few’ can achieve. This of course is entirely untrue as we were all born with the ability to talk to and hear animals.
Holly Davis, Animal Communication With All Species
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Challenge: Communicate with the next animal you see. Then drop me a note! What have you learned?
Do you associate wealth with money? I do struggle with the concept at times. Then I remind myself that I have enough. For me, it comes down to making the conscious decision to be happy in the Now. Because NOW is all we have. The past is a memory and the future is an imagination. Most of the time, I have all I NEED in the very moment I am in. It is often the WANTS that I want (!) to pursue.
To remain still and just be, let the moment be all I want – that is happiness for me. My wealth is my happiness, the feeling of being enough, and of having enough (or more than enough), right now.
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How about you? Where lies your wealth? And what are your thoughts about this week’s posts?
Have you battled internal obstacles – problems that were entirely created by your way of approaching the world in your thinking and actions? – I have!
For more than a year I had been bothered by a digestive issue: There was a knot in my intestines, always in the same spot. It never went away. The intensity of the discomfort varied. I consulted my family doctor. I consulted an Ayurvedic doctor. Nothing. I researched online. – A partial breakthrough was achieved when I found a useful video how to alleviate the symptoms temporarily. But no solution appeared. I started to despair.
Then, we went on vacation and I did not drink my tap water. The discomfort was gone.
I had stumbled upon the solution. The problem – or obstacle – had been too close to me to be visible.
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Question: What is an obstacle you have come to live with, because you do not perceive there to be a way around or over it?
Flexibility is the key to common sense and success
A battleship had been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather for several days. The captain, who was concerned about the deteriorating conditions, stayed on the bridge so that he could keep an eye on all activities. One night, shortly after dark, [the fog was getting even thicker] the lookout on the bridge suddenly shouted, ‘A light, captain, bearing on the starboard bow.’ ‘Is it steady or moving astern?’ the captain asked. The lookout confirmed that it was steady, which meant that the battleship was apparently on a dangerous collision course with the other ship. The captain then called to the signalman, ‘Signal that ship: “We are on a collision course. Advise you change course 20 degrees north.”’ Back came the response from the other ship: ‘You change course 20 degrees south.’ Annoyed at the arrogance of the response, the captain said, ‘Send: “I am a captain, change course 20 degrees north.”’ ‘I am a seaman second class,’ came the reply, ‘you had still better change course 20 degrees south.’ By this time, the captain was furious. He shouted, ‘Send: “I am a battleship. Change course 20 degrees north.”’ Back came the flashing light: ‘I am a lighthouse.’ The captain changed course. (Tales for Coaching, 133)
(photo by Ethan Dow, Unsplash)
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Questions:
What cannot be moved? What CAN be moved? – Answer (?)
What represents the ‘fog’ for you? How could you lift this fog? – Answer (?)
Positive Intelligence® is an operating system with many applications. In the first six weeks you develop your 3 core mental muscles. In subsequent weeks, modules in the app then enable you to use those muscles for a variety of work and life applications. You continue to grow.
As a professional coach expanding into Mental Fitness Coaching I am authorized to offer special deals on the Positive Intelligence® Mental Fitness Program. Please contact me for details!
