“Happiness is a Value, not a Goal!“
That means, happiness is not something to look for, to try to reach, a goal, but a value, something to believe in, a moment-to-moment way of being!
Does this sound familiar? – “I will be happy when _______” (fill the blank).
What did you wish for as a child? – Your next birthday gift? As a teenager? – Your driver’s licence? As a young adult? – A good job? / A wonderful partner? – And once you got what you were wishing for, how long did your happiness last before you filled in the blank with something new, a new condition for your happiness? What are you longing for or chasing today? – Do you think this ____ (fill the blank) will make you sustainably happy? It is an endless cycle in the pursuit of happiness.
How can we break the cycle? Can we be happy here and now? Independent of circumstance?
Here are a few mental exercises that can help you create new thinking habits that make it possible to be happy, independent of pursuit:
Talk to and about yourself in compassionate ways
Instead of being hard on yourself for all your flaws, your failures and mistakes, assure yourself:
_______ (Your name), you are perfectly human, with all your imperfections, just like everyone else. Let’s acknowledge what is wonderful about you, like _______ (fill the blank), and have fun improving you a little bit every day.”
Talk to and about others in constructive ways
Instead of dwelling on a situation that feels hard or impossible to change, assure yourself:
Like you, dear ________ (your name), everybody around you is perfectly imperfect. Their essence is a beautiful as yours. To draw out their best, concentrate on interacting with that part of them!”
Talk about your circumstances in solution-oriented ways
Instead of focussing on mishaps failures, assure yourself:
Every event or circumstance can be a gift. It can be turned into an opportunity. What is a mistake or failure you could look at and see potential in?