Mothers who pursue a career aside from their family are facing a series of unique challenges1. As it goes, people often feel so stuck in their challenges that they don’t seek help. Oddly, they think the challenge is unique to their life, and nobody would understand or be able to help.
The general vibe in our societies, the expectations we associate with both roles (the working female & the mother) can be so dissociated, that any particular female might experience the consequences of the following statement:
We expect women to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work.2
What do you think? Seriously, what feelings come up for you? Please share in a comment or send me a message. I’d love to read what associations come up for you! And even more, I would love to discuss how I can be of assistance in your unique transformative journey!
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Sometimes I discover wondrous things about the motivation that lies behind the wanting of things, by inquiring about what it would mean to the person to have what they desire. And sometimes, it becomes refreshingly clear that a person already has all they strive for.
The Story of the Mexcian Fisherman* (A Parable)
An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large fresh fish. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”
The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”
To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”
“But what then?” Asked the Mexican.
The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”
“Millions – then what?”
The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”
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How does this story resonate with you?
In what way do you already have what you desire?
In what way(s) could you use your resources more effectively to gain what you desire?
And: The only time you can make changes is in the present.
I am here to work with you on any and all of those questions. Secure your
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*“The Story of the Mexican Fisherman” has been retold many times. I has been adapted from Heinrich Böll’s short story “Anekdote zur Senkung der Arbeitsmoral”, 1969 [Engl: Anecdote about declining work morale]
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Manuela Zeitlhofer, Transformation Coach
“The only time you can make changes is in the present” (Manuela Zeitlhofer, 2024)
I know this woman, who is wonderfully talented in many ways: Always striving to learn, to better herself, to live up to her values of freedom, peace, and equality. She deeply believed in sustainability, in flourishing both inside and out without destroying our resources.
She had been writing a book. For a long time, she had been planning, conceptualizing, writing and not writing, contemplating and motivating (herself), without making much progress. She consistently moved all kinds of other areas of her life forward: she learned, she worked, she raised her child, but her book had not been thriving.
One day, she spoke about this with her coach. She realized that she had a conflict within herself: She believed that we (as humans) do not have to destroy the world we live in, and we do not have to grab more and more (of everything) to be happy. She also believed that by staying small and content, she did her part in protecting the world.
That day, with her coach asking her the right questions, she realized that she could be true to both of those strong values: sustainability AND growing herself. She also understood that by holding herself back, she would deprive the world of the gifts she had to share. She also deprived herself of the pleasure of being true to herself, of shining her light into the world, and of seeing what would come after this adventure, of seeing what lay behind this next, long incubated, long procrastinated over achievement.
She walked away from the coaching session that day, and started writing. She finished her book. And she discovered what adventure awaited her next.
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What calling are you not (quite) following yet? – Call me today, and let’s see what your next step in your wonderful adventure is! (And what lies beyond that!)
Why waste time procrastinating when I offer exactly what you need?
From „I have to“ to “I will” Have to > Can > Prefer to > Want to > Intend to > Will
When was the last time you said “I have to [verb]”. And what was the feeling that accompanied that statement? The thought I am inviting you to think with me today is about the connection between how we speak, how we feel and how much power and freedom we give ourselves:
Step 1: Obligation | “I have to” / “I must” When we say “I have to” or “I must”, we are expressing that there is an obligation, or an external locus of control. We do not have much choice, and our freedom is at best very small.
My example sentence is “I have to do the dishes!”. Because I have been there.
So, as we look at this “ladder of powerful speaking”*, or the modal verbs in our language, we tweak what we say and see what happens.
A step up towards more autonomy would be “possibility”.
Step 2: Possibility | “I can” / “I might” Instead of “must”, I now choose “can”, or “might”: “I might do the dishes” or “I can do the dishes”. Do you feel the difference? The dishes are still dirty, but I give myself a bit of room around the chore.
Step 3: Preference | “I prefer to” We can step up a bit more, and gain a slightly different perspective (metaphorically speaking), by expressing a preference: “I prefer to do the dishes” (sometimes, after convincing myself that there is even more freedom when the dishes are done, REALLY prefer to do the dishes over procrastinating before hand).
Step 4: Passion | “I want to” That’s not all though, we can also get up another step to a passionate statement like, “I want to do the dishes”. Can you feel the excitement? And we are not even at the top yet!
Step 5: Plan | “I intend to” / “I am planning to” The second to last step is taking us very close to action. By saying “I intend to doing the dishes”, I can almost feel the warm water and smell the dish soap. Can you as well?
Step 6: Promise | “I promise” / “I will” The last step, with the best view and the most potential is the “promise step”. When I tell myself, “I promise to do the dishes”, I feel the obligation dripping away, and the freedom my choice offers me energize me.
What are your thoughts about this model?
I am looking forward to your message!
My name is Manuela Zeitlhofer. | As a transformation coach, I am assisting people in changing their perspective, one step at a time.
*Source: “Human Being”, by Dave Ellis & Stan Lankowitz, 1995 (p.62-64)
Walk for 20 minutes | In a natural setting | Without technological distractions Experience the Changes in your body and mind
WHERE To start with, think about a place near you that is or represents “nature” for you:
A place that is easy to access, is quiet and untouched if possible
Where you can be undisturbed by other people (if other people are present, don’t worry; be prepared to tune them out though)
HOW … to prepare mentally:
All technological devices have to be turned off, muted or not brought along, so you are free to experience the sensation of “unplugging” and “reconnecting”
Walks 4 Change always do something for me: Sometimes, as I find myself taking a deep relaxing breath, I realized that I had not even been aware of the tension in my body until it falls off me! – Manuela Zeitlhofer (25.9.2024)
Now, it is time to get your feet wet (figuratively speaking, if you prefer). Once you sign up, you will receive the package that opens your mind to this experience. I am looking forward to seeing you!
Do you experience stress that has a negative impact you can feel it in your body?
Do you feel like you are on a hamster wheel without the opportunity to follow your heart and do – or even think – what you long for?
Have you had experiences in nature that have deeply moved you and that you still remember?
This coaching series is all about unplugging from stress & living your vision: focusing on the future you long for, and sustainably tapping into positive feelings by focusing your attention on emotionally relevant events in the past, present and future. And that works!
You have probably heard quotes like “We are what we think.” You may have already told yourself, “I can’t do that” (and consequently, you have proven to yourself that you can’t). Have you ever had situations in which you said to yourself, “I’ll do this now” or “I can do it today” – and to our own surprise, the process seemed effortless? Yes?
All of these examples are self-fulfilling prophecies: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” ― Henry Ford
(Photo by Jeremy Bishop, Unsplash 2024)
This series includes four offers that you can take advantage of individually or one after the other:
Positive Change Walks: Hikes or walks in a natural environment of your choice. Coaching prepares you for this and guides you in synthesizing your experiences.
Bring Nature Home Exercise: Very simple – you bring nature into your home in the form of a plant. You then look after and watch it. That’s how you build a relationship with your friend. You know, plants love CO2, which we breathe out. So we can do the plant and ourselves a favor (because the CO2 is converted into oxygen) by spending time with plants and maybe even talking to them. – There are of course coaching questions and discussions accompanying this exercise.
Positive Vision Day: You spend a whole day in nature with your coach. The vision begins long before this actual day, with power questions, self-reflections and a values test.
Nature Connected Living Quest: Every week, you explore another area of your inner nature, until it all comes together and leaves you refreshed, with a new sense of purpose and direction.
You can find more information about these offers in the links or by writing to me. I am looking forward to embarking on this adventure with you!
Coaching is pointing out what I sense, hear and see to benefit the client.* The magic of coaching is in the set up and in the intentions. And it works.
My superpower is that I am very empathetic and I listen exceptionally well, which creates an open and safe environment that bubbles with prospects. Another potential lies in the way coaching challenges a person’s thinking and beliefs compassionately and directly.
Here is an example: Imagine someone who keeps putting off making arrangements regarding the succession of their business. Said person is in their 70s and their health has become a bit fragile. Asked in the right context with a compassionate intention, a direct challenge would be: “What if you were not able to attend to your business, starting tomorrow and for the foreseeable future?” – That would really make you think, right?
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What are you curious to explore with compassion, curiosity and the right amount of challenge?
(photo by Frames for your Heart, Unsplash, 2024)
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*The client is fully empowered to direct where the coaching conversation is going. Any possible ideas and biases of my own are left outside the coaching space.
The expression What goes around comes around is backed up by neurological research. Because of neurons in our brain, if we are in sage mode, like joy, curiosity or peace, the person interacting with us will gradually shift to the same mode, which then will fuel our own sage, creating a virtuous cycle. If you look into a happy face and genuinely connect with that person, you will feel happier.
How can you easily and authentically make people – and yourself – happy?
It can be small things: Really connect with people from your heart, for just 10 seconds. Bring a smile to the people in everyday encounters. Tell someone you know a thing you recently appreciated, but have not mentioned yet. Tell a co-worker a strength in them that you admire.
That brings appreciation, gratitude, caring and joy to the world around you. See how that affects you!
(photo by Evgeni Tcherkasski, Unsplash 2022)
(based on Shirzad Chamine’s Mental Fitness Exercise “Make Someone Happy”, Positive Intelligence, November 29, 2022)
Two caterpillars were sitting on a cabbage leaf having a chat. Suddenly, they heard a loud swishing noise, and looking up, saw a beautiful butterfly flying overhead. The first caterpillar looked to the other, shook his head and said, ‘You’ll never get me up in one of those things.’
(by Scott Simmerman)
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Question: What represents the butterfly (or change) for you?
Are your familiar with the term Neuroplasticity? – It refers to the brain’s ability to adapt, form new neural pathways, and change the wiring of brain circuits. Metaphorically speaking, this means that certain pathways become highways, and other just gravel paths. It also means that we can develop the gravel paths into highways. Practically speaking, this means that we can train our brains. It means we can change our thinking. It means we can change our habits, how we think, speak and act in the world.
As a life coach, I would like to point out the great possibilities this approach holds for the world of coaching: We can train our brains. A good life coach can help establish new habits.
I am accepting new clients. Contact me today for a free introductory meeting.
I find that with the restrictions imposed on us during COVID, my world is shrinking to the size it was when my daughter was born. Back then, we were living in the wilderness, and I was the only person taking care of the baby. I could not leave the house or have any time to myself for a seemingly long time.
I learned how to carve out a space in my life that would hold who I was, so I would not loose myself. And it worked. For example, instead of going for long walks or do the outdoor chores (like getting water from the creek), started Yoga, which I could do inside with the baby around. I also reframed – that is, give different meaning – to seemingly tedious chores like doing the dished or doing laundry (I washed my daughter’s cloth diapers by hand): The repetitive action of those chores made it possible for me to reflect on life and get into a creative mental space that was relaxing.
I have always enjoyed working from home, and seeing nature change through the seasons right in front of my window. Being homebound during another lockdown is no problem for me. At times though, I miss that I cannot go and see my family when I want, or take my daughter to an indoor pool on a cold winter day. Instead, I find myself in the little and bigger chores that every day life as a mother, wife, duck owner, life coach and teacher brings, like collecting two beautiful duck eggs every morning, engaging in some small talk with the producers and negotiating the details of food – especially peas – exchange with them.
I hope you are in a position where you enjoy life, and you can be who you are without feeling restricted. If that is not the case let me tell you that you have it in you to create those conditions!
Please feel free to share your ideas or questions.
You might have noticed that you are affected by the emotions of people around you. If someone expresses worry, frustration or anger, it will be picked up by you and others around. The same principle applies to positive emotions.
Social Psychologist Elaine Hatfield calls this phenomenon emotional contagion. If you read about it you will find out that humans need the pack and from an evolutionary perspective, it has been safer to play along with the group rather than being left alone in the wild.
I want to focus on an empowering aspect: Every person can be that catalyst! If other people’s emotions affect ME, then my emotions affect OTHERS. Isn’t that wonderful?
Here is a current example from my life: This morning, I was walking to the school bus with my daughter. The snow has been melting and we had to walk through some muddy puddles. Our neighbor was working with heavy equipment. He stopped to let us pass safely. I pulled my daughter along. In the process, she got splashed with muddy water. That resulted in a series of aggressive (disappointed) screams. I calmly reminded her that it would just be dust that she could brush off as soon as her pants were dry again. Luckily she recalibrated herself quickly.
Sometimes it takes a lot of energy to avoid getting affected by other people’s emotions. And sometimes, I have to step away when my defenses wear thin.
What generally works for me is…
to become aware of the emotion (in this case: anger and disappointments) and the reason behind it (feeling of powerlessness, as she could not just change, but had to go to school as she was).
to be aware of my position and not let the situations break into my bubble of self (I do that by smiling inwardly and talking to myself – also inwardly).
to separate physically from the person displaying the unwanted emotion. Going outside – even for a few minutes – works wonderings for me.
Again, I was walking home from the school bus, when my gaze fell upon a little milkweed seed on the ground. It was glistering with dew drops. While the general scene, albeit sunny and not too cold, was rather brown – mind you, it is November and nature supposed to be brown – that little seed was a sparkling messenger of life and hope.
Have you ever thought of all the beauty we might miss, by focusing on the big picture only?
That means, happiness is not something to look for, to try to reach, a goal, but a value, something to believe in, a moment-to-moment way of being!
Does this sound familiar? – “I will be happy when _______” (fill the blank).
What did you wish for as a child? – Your next birthday gift? As a teenager? – Your driver’s licence? As a young adult? – A good job? / A wonderful partner? – And once you got what you were wishing for, how long did your happiness last before you filled in the blank with something new, a new condition for your happiness? What are you longing for or chasing today? – Do you think this ____ (fill the blank) will make you sustainably happy? It is an endless cycle in the pursuit of happiness.
How can we break the cycle? Can we be happy here and now? Independent of circumstance?
Here are a few mental exercises that can help you create new thinking habits that make it possible to be happy, independent of pursuit:
Talk to and about yourself in compassionate ways
Instead of being hard on yourself for all your flaws, your failures and mistakes, assure yourself:
_______ (Your name), you are perfectly human, with all your imperfections, just like everyone else. Let’s acknowledge what is wonderful about you, like _______ (fill the blank), and have fun improving you a little bit every day.”
Talk to and about others in constructive ways
Instead of dwelling on a situation that feels hard or impossible to change, assure yourself:
Like you, dear ________ (your name), everybody around you is perfectly imperfect. Their essence is a beautiful as yours. To draw out their best, concentrate on interacting with that part of them!”
Talk about your circumstances in solution-oriented ways
Instead of focussing on mishaps failures, assure yourself:
Every event or circumstance can be a gift. It can be turned into an opportunity. What is a mistake or failure you could look at and see potential in?
We had a few frosty nights. In the mornings, on the way to the school bus, I keep finding the most beautiful ice crystals. I keep thinking how intricate they are. I realize that the world does not end where my attention ends. And I am in awe.
What do you think? What’s a seemingly little thing that you were in awe of? Please share a comment or a photo!
What makes you laugh? – For me, it is quite frequently my husband, who has a gift of seeing and pointing out the humor in things that I sometimes take (too) seriously.
Laughter is beneficial for our physical and mental health. It can lower our blood pressure and improve concentration. In an emotional way, laughing can it can alleviate stress and anxiety. Even spiritually, laughter can help us feel more connected and whole.
You don’t feel like laughing? – Even so, try doing it anyway, because our body does not know the difference between fake and real laughter.
