Mothers who pursue a career aside from their family are facing a series of unique challenges1. As it goes, people often feel so stuck in their challenges that they don’t seek help. Oddly, they think the challenge is unique to their life, and nobody would understand or be able to help.
The general vibe in our societies, the expectations we associate with both roles (the working female & the mother) can be so dissociated, that any particular female might experience the consequences of the following statement:
We expect women to work like they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t work.2
What do you think? Seriously, what feelings come up for you? Please share in a comment or send me a message. I’d love to read what associations come up for you! And even more, I would love to discuss how I can be of assistance in your unique transformative journey!
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Yesterday I went for a health check. The doctor told me that everything is mostly fine. There are just a few small things that could be counteracted. For example, the natural aging process. Hormone deficiency, fat around the middle, and muscle loss were mentioned. Medication was contraindicated. Suggestions for optimal nutrition were made. The doctor also suggested endurance and strength training twice a week. In addition, one could counteract the hormone deficiency, preferably with creams. As I sat listening to the wealth of information and suggestions, I also asked myself to what extent Western medicine attributes positive aspects to the aging process, or whether the focus is purely on the body bending to life. That sounds rather deterministic, doesn’t it?
What about, for example, wisdom, empathy, and a greater sense of acceptance?
Yes, I will continue working on my physical fitness, while keeping an eye on the bigger picture. I believe (and as a coach, beliefs are a great topic that we like to devote ourselves to intensively) that I continue to grow and learn as a person. And so I will continue to apply cream to my wrinkles, but also love them, because every wrinkle tells a story.
How does aging show up for you? What do you like to grow in? Which aspects of your life would you like to adjust a little?
Contact me at any time to arrange a free initial consultation.
Sometimes I discover wondrous things about the motivation that lies behind the wanting of things, by inquiring about what it would mean to the person to have what they desire. And sometimes, it becomes refreshingly clear that a person already has all they strive for.
The Story of the Mexcian Fisherman* (A Parable)
An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large fresh fish. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.
The Mexican replied, “only a little while. The American then asked why didn’t he stay out longer and catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The American then asked, “but what do you do with the rest of your time?”
The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siestas with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine, and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life.” The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City, where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long will this all take?”
To which the American replied, “15 – 20 years.”
“But what then?” Asked the Mexican.
The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions!”
“Millions – then what?”
The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siestas with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”
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How does this story resonate with you?
In what way do you already have what you desire?
In what way(s) could you use your resources more effectively to gain what you desire?
And: The only time you can make changes is in the present.
I am here to work with you on any and all of those questions. Secure your
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*“The Story of the Mexican Fisherman” has been retold many times. I has been adapted from Heinrich Böll’s short story “Anekdote zur Senkung der Arbeitsmoral”, 1969 [Engl: Anecdote about declining work morale]
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Manuela Zeitlhofer, Transformation Coach
“The only time you can make changes is in the present” (Manuela Zeitlhofer, 2024)
I know this woman, who is wonderfully talented in many ways: Always striving to learn, to better herself, to live up to her values of freedom, peace, and equality. She deeply believed in sustainability, in flourishing both inside and out without destroying our resources.
She had been writing a book. For a long time, she had been planning, conceptualizing, writing and not writing, contemplating and motivating (herself), without making much progress. She consistently moved all kinds of other areas of her life forward: she learned, she worked, she raised her child, but her book had not been thriving.
One day, she spoke about this with her coach. She realized that she had a conflict within herself: She believed that we (as humans) do not have to destroy the world we live in, and we do not have to grab more and more (of everything) to be happy. She also believed that by staying small and content, she did her part in protecting the world.
That day, with her coach asking her the right questions, she realized that she could be true to both of those strong values: sustainability AND growing herself. She also understood that by holding herself back, she would deprive the world of the gifts she had to share. She also deprived herself of the pleasure of being true to herself, of shining her light into the world, and of seeing what would come after this adventure, of seeing what lay behind this next, long incubated, long procrastinated over achievement.
She walked away from the coaching session that day, and started writing. She finished her book. And she discovered what adventure awaited her next.
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What calling are you not (quite) following yet? – Call me today, and let’s see what your next step in your wonderful adventure is! (And what lies beyond that!)
Why waste time procrastinating when I offer exactly what you need?
From „I have to“ to “I will” Have to > Can > Prefer to > Want to > Intend to > Will
When was the last time you said “I have to [verb]”. And what was the feeling that accompanied that statement? The thought I am inviting you to think with me today is about the connection between how we speak, how we feel and how much power and freedom we give ourselves:
Step 1: Obligation | “I have to” / “I must” When we say “I have to” or “I must”, we are expressing that there is an obligation, or an external locus of control. We do not have much choice, and our freedom is at best very small.
My example sentence is “I have to do the dishes!”. Because I have been there.
So, as we look at this “ladder of powerful speaking”*, or the modal verbs in our language, we tweak what we say and see what happens.
A step up towards more autonomy would be “possibility”.
Step 2: Possibility | “I can” / “I might” Instead of “must”, I now choose “can”, or “might”: “I might do the dishes” or “I can do the dishes”. Do you feel the difference? The dishes are still dirty, but I give myself a bit of room around the chore.
Step 3: Preference | “I prefer to” We can step up a bit more, and gain a slightly different perspective (metaphorically speaking), by expressing a preference: “I prefer to do the dishes” (sometimes, after convincing myself that there is even more freedom when the dishes are done, REALLY prefer to do the dishes over procrastinating before hand).
Step 4: Passion | “I want to” That’s not all though, we can also get up another step to a passionate statement like, “I want to do the dishes”. Can you feel the excitement? And we are not even at the top yet!
Step 5: Plan | “I intend to” / “I am planning to” The second to last step is taking us very close to action. By saying “I intend to doing the dishes”, I can almost feel the warm water and smell the dish soap. Can you as well?
Step 6: Promise | “I promise” / “I will” The last step, with the best view and the most potential is the “promise step”. When I tell myself, “I promise to do the dishes”, I feel the obligation dripping away, and the freedom my choice offers me energize me.
What are your thoughts about this model?
I am looking forward to your message!
My name is Manuela Zeitlhofer. | As a transformation coach, I am assisting people in changing their perspective, one step at a time.
*Source: “Human Being”, by Dave Ellis & Stan Lankowitz, 1995 (p.62-64)
Walk for 20 minutes | In a natural setting | Without technological distractions Experience the Changes in your body and mind
WHERE To start with, think about a place near you that is or represents “nature” for you:
A place that is easy to access, is quiet and untouched if possible
Where you can be undisturbed by other people (if other people are present, don’t worry; be prepared to tune them out though)
HOW … to prepare mentally:
All technological devices have to be turned off, muted or not brought along, so you are free to experience the sensation of “unplugging” and “reconnecting”
Walks 4 Change always do something for me: Sometimes, as I find myself taking a deep relaxing breath, I realized that I had not even been aware of the tension in my body until it falls off me! – Manuela Zeitlhofer (25.9.2024)
Now, it is time to get your feet wet (figuratively speaking, if you prefer). Once you sign up, you will receive the package that opens your mind to this experience. I am looking forward to seeing you!
Do you experience stress that has a negative impact you can feel it in your body?
Do you feel like you are on a hamster wheel without the opportunity to follow your heart and do – or even think – what you long for?
Have you had experiences in nature that have deeply moved you and that you still remember?
This coaching series is all about unplugging from stress & living your vision: focusing on the future you long for, and sustainably tapping into positive feelings by focusing your attention on emotionally relevant events in the past, present and future. And that works!
You have probably heard quotes like “We are what we think.” You may have already told yourself, “I can’t do that” (and consequently, you have proven to yourself that you can’t). Have you ever had situations in which you said to yourself, “I’ll do this now” or “I can do it today” – and to our own surprise, the process seemed effortless? Yes?
All of these examples are self-fulfilling prophecies: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” ― Henry Ford
(Photo by Jeremy Bishop, Unsplash 2024)
This series includes four offers that you can take advantage of individually or one after the other:
Spazieren zu Positiven Veränderungen: Hikes or walks in a natural environment of your choice. Coaching prepares you for this and guides you in synthesizing your experiences.
Bring Nature Home Exercise: Very simple – you bring nature into your home in the form of a plant. You then look after and watch it. That’s how you build a relationship with your friend. You know, plants love CO2, which we breathe out. So we can do the plant and ourselves a favor (because the CO2 is converted into oxygen) by spending time with plants and maybe even talking to them. – There are of course coaching questions and discussions accompanying this exercise.
Positive Vision Day: You spend a whole day in nature with your coach. The vision begins long before this actual day, with power questions, self-reflections and a values test.
Naturverbundenes Leben Aufspüren: Every week, you explore another area of your inner nature, until it all comes together and leaves you refreshed, with a new sense of purpose and direction.
You can find more information about these offers in the links or by writing to me. I am looking forward to embarking on this adventure with you!
Mental fitness is a measure of your ability to handle life’s challenges.
When you’re mentally fit, you use your mental abilities to the fullest extent. Mental fitness enhances your creativity, ability to manage stress and anxiety, and ability to cope with mental health challenges.
Take the first steps to improve your mental fitness today.
👉 Step 1: Discover your Inner Saboteurs
Saboteurs are the voices in your head that generate negative emotions in the way you handle life’s everyday challenges. The first step to conquering your Saboteurs is to identify them and expose their lies and limiting beliefs.
Take the free Saboteur Assessment to discover the Saboteurs that are holding you back: Saboteur Assessment
👉 Step 2: Track your Mental Fitness Score
PQ (Positive Intelligence Quotient) is the measure of your mental fitness. It’s the best predictor of how happy you are and how well you perform relative to your potential. With practice, you can build powerful new muscles in your brain and boost your PQ.
Take the PQ Score Assessment to get a measure of your mental fitness and identify the areas where you want to improve: PQ Score Assessment
👉 Step 3: Explore the PQ Program & Sign up
Sustained change towards a more positive mind requires laying down neural pathways to form new habits through consistent daily practice. And that’s what the PQ Program empowers you to do.
Coaching is pointing out what I sense, hear and see to benefit the client.* The magic of coaching is in the set up and in the intentions. And it works.
My superpower is that I am very empathetic and I listen exceptionally well, which creates an open and safe environment that bubbles with prospects. Another potential lies in the way coaching challenges a person’s thinking and beliefs compassionately and directly.
Here is an example: Imagine someone who keeps putting off making arrangements regarding the succession of their business. Said person is in their 70s and their health has become a bit fragile. Asked in the right context with a compassionate intention, a direct challenge would be: “What if you were not able to attend to your business, starting tomorrow and for the foreseeable future?” – That would really make you think, right?
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What are you curious to explore with compassion, curiosity and the right amount of challenge?
(photo by Frames for your Heart, Unsplash, 2024)
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*The client is fully empowered to direct where the coaching conversation is going. Any possible ideas and biases of my own are left outside the coaching space.
You have probably heard that our subconscious brain cannot process a negative command. In simple terms, when you are told, “Don’t think of a pink cat!”, you cannot help but think of a pink cat (mine had blue whiskers).
And this brings me to my topic for today: Everything we create starts with a thought, then comes language, and communication, and slowly the world is created and recreated.
Here is a thought to practice with: Imagine peace
More: If you want to dive in deeper, think of a recent challenge and formulate it in positive instead of negative terms. An example: Instead of telling myself, “I want to spend less time sitting” (negative term), I say, “I spend more time walking” (positive term). See how one’s focus shifts?
There is such beauty in nature, such fragility and such joy. I happen to notice a lot of that in the little things that don’t last long, such as ice crystals. Starting the day with that exquisite attention to detail creates a focus for my day that grounds my baseline mood in gratitude.
Are you a glass-half-full or a glass-half-empty person? Whichever one you are, you are right, and this perspective likely shapes how you see the world in general.
Another metaphor is that every object casts a shadow in the daylight, and depending on your perspective, you might stand in the shadow or see the shadow that something is casting as dominating the whole picture.
Gratitude compares to stepping into the sunshine and seeing the “other side” of things.
It is just a matter of perspectives. Every position is subjective. We are free to change our perspective.
So often we find ourselves in despair because there is too much to worry about. Picking apart what can and cannot be changed can be a great way to empower ourselves and the ones in our care.
Recently, my daughter expressed her frustration about worldwide pollution. It seemed that along with the sharing of facts, the school does little to catch those young minds as they battle the implications of what was shared with them. Tangled up in her questions, her frustration and her eagerness to make the world a better place, she asked me with some exasperation, what she can actually do.
I pointed out that we are conscious of the packaging we buy, and we are purposeful with the way we use our car and the fuel (both fossil and renewable) in and around the house. We also carry a garbage bag whenever we go for walks, and we collect whatever we find.
She was not convinced, and she told me about initiatives of people cleaning beaches, doing wonderfully creative things with the garbage. It seemed that our little interventions that she has been growing up with needed a bit of perspective. So I pointed out that even little initiatives like ours, that don’t have a lobby behind them or considerable funds to draw from can be a step into the right direction. Then we discussed the meaning of the serenity prayer.
I find that little things like that give the power of self-determination back to us. Furthermore, the thought of stewardship might gain wings, with people becoming conscious about where they dispose of their garbage when they are out and about.
A few years back I was asked to raise three newly hatched starlings that had been found at the foot of a big tree by an old lady.
Reluctantly, I took on those birds, and lo and behold I was able to raise and release them successfully. Whenever I see or hear starlings since then, I like telling my daughter that those are our three starlings saying thank you. Today, a extraordinarily big flock of starlings landed around the house and well beyond the creek. They were so loud it was both amazing and a little bit intimidating. Afterwards I thought about writing about this, as in “I had rescued the starlings and they came back with all their friends to thank me”, when I remembered that European starlings are considered an invasive species in North America. That made me think about invasive species and the similarities to what humans do all over the world. So, this is what I want to write about today.
Starlings (May 28, 2020)
Starlings were moved from Europe, their ancestral habitat, to North America in the late 19th century, where they are now one of the most abundant birds.
Starlings are said to be very adaptable, eating a wide variety of foods and nesting in many different locations. Bottom line is that European starlings infringe on native species’ habitat. That affects the balance of the web of life, and so starlings end up with a bad reputation (Forgive me for bottom lining this so bluntly).
Stepping out of the problem zone and onto a meta-level, I am thinking that those birds do just do what birds do. They simply happen to be at the wrong place (human judgement).
It occurred to me to compare this scenario to human activity. Are we doing the same thing? If so, what makes us different? We do after all come with the ability to reflect on our own behavior and the effects of our actions on the world around us. This ties in with what I’m writing in my new book (“Freedom Within Reach” about living as part of nature and not trying to govern nature).
Some thoughts you might want to ponder over are:
In what way do we (as humans) behave like an invasive species?
In what ways do you behave, and affect the habitat and the species around?
In what way do you fit in with what’s around you?
That’s all for today thank you very much! Please drop me a note with your thoughts and answers.
The doors to the world of the wild Self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door, if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door.
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés
(Photo by Sandra Grünewald, Unsplash, 2023)
One of my doors is behind the pain and loneliness I experienced when I was a toddler, in a hospital, for several months, tied down so I would not fidget with my leg (it was in a cast), or stand up (which might have jeopardized the healing of the leg).
I have come to learn that the greatest scars can become our greatest strengths, because they soften us to the human-ness of the people around us.
What do you think?
I am so curious to hear about your doors. Have you found it yet? Do you dare look for it?
At first, we saw some garbage, the usual, a few discarded food containers, a coffee cup lid, carelessly dropped or lost by the inattentive visitor. Nothing that could not easily be picked up and collected in a small garbage bag later (and I generally do, because it hurts my eye more to see the garbage than it is an effort to pick it up and dispose of it in a designated spot).
It was a hot Sunday. We decided to go for a swim at a place along a river, where the water cascading over sheet rock is easy to access and not too deep.
Walking on we came across an abandoned campsite, with bottles and aluminum foil in the fire pit. Right next to it was a good sized box full of discarded packing material and bottles – the leftovers of a party. It seemed that someone had just abandoned the site and walked away that very morning. I looked around, but aside from a lone person walking along the shore in some distance (we had parked right next to his car) we were the only ones around. I pointed out to my husband that I was going to bring the box of garbage back and dispose of it.
I anticipated the wind would scatter it soon, and the rain would soak it. Then it would be much harder to clean it up next time around. My heart was full of resentment, and a fun day felt suddenly spoiled. I was at odds with the world and definitely upset with the person(s) who had left their garbage behind. While I realized that emotion, it was hard to shake it.
Regardless, we did our thing and explored the river. Eventually, the lone walker came towards us and I spoke to him. He told me that he was not from around here, and that he was camping out. Oh, I said, is that box up on the bank yours by any chance? He said that it wasn’t, but that he wanted to come back with a garbage bag and clean it up. I responded that I was going to take the box, and that he could come back with the said garbage bag and clean up the rest. He said, bless you, and that was all it took to put my world back on its hinges.
Connecting with just one like-minded person can change our world.
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My intention:
Sustainability- How to live happily while leaving the earth in the same or a better state than before – is what I strive for and educate people about
I just came across a very small (what I believe to be a) leopard frog. Why I saw it? – Because it moved. Once it stopped, I had a hard time finding it again. Can you spot it in the picture-insert?
Leopard Frog, June 28, 2023
When I held out my hand the frog jumped on it. It did not stop but kept moving, and I felt fortunate to get one shot with the little amphibian in focus.
I am sharing this experience, because I felt so passionate about this sighting, so amazed at how tiny, how perfect and how fragile this little frog is. That created a sense of responsibility and reverence in me.
What I learned from the encounter: Frogs are amazing. Life is precious. I am grateful.
What was the latest thing that created a sense of awe in you?
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Johnson Salamander
I almost stepped onto this little guy. At first, I thought somebody had dropped a piece of rubber in the grass.
Then I realized I had a visitor. A mysterious visitor.
Luckily he did not mind waiting there, in his spot in the grass, while I found out that the Jefferson Salamander is considered an endangered species in our area. I sat in a distance from him for a while, then let him be. He was there all evening, but gone the next morning.
I generally like to present myself well composed and in control of my negative emotions. I don’t like to be seen when my saboteurs (my negative inner voices) get the better of me. Feelings of stress, anxiety, self-doubt, frustration, restlessness, and unhappiness can be very unsettling.
I work through strong emotions best by going outside. Walking and running have always worked well for me.
Mental fitness activities have added a new and unexpected effectivity for me. I still experience negative emotions, but more and more I feel AND see them for what they are, and that makes it possible for me to step aside and that really takes the edge off those emotions.
If you feel alone in and at the whim of negative emotions, I can assure you that you are not!
I have been working with people who are very successful in corporate businesses, governments, and military settings. They all experience negative inner voices. They all feel self-conscious at times, and very competent and in sage emotions at others. Just like you. Just like me.
In addition, I find that it does create a sense of connectedness when people talk about their emotions, and the empath in me walks hand in hand with my intuitive self.
How have you been dealing best with negative emotions?
